In Dating & in Marriage, the C Word we all hate … Compromise.
People change all the time, its natural. But as a couple either dating or married you need to grow together or you will grow apart.
Recently I found out one of the couples I matched are engaged to be married. They met a while ago and at first had their differences and concerns that they laid out for another. They dated for a few months but sadly realised they couldn’t compromise on these aspects and therefore decided to go their own separate ways. 2 years later they met at one of my events and the spark was still there … but did they still have the same concerns?
No… it turned out after dating a few people in between where other issues had arisen, the concerns they previously had were now areas that could be compromised and worked around for the right person and so he popped the big question, with the wedding now to follow…
After hearing this story it got me thinking about the compromises we make when dating. The older we get, the more fixed we become in our ways. I see it happen many times through my events and within social environments, where people lay their cards out too early on with their rules and regulations on what they are willing to compromise on, and not. When in actual fact as feelings develop those concerns such as, moving location, living with a non veg person or being with someone who was previously divorced could all disappear for the right person, given half the chance.
In marriage the ‘C’ word .. Compromise tends to get used a lot more than in dating. Usually hearing men say ‘it’s easier to compromise than spark an argument with the wife’. But when did it become so hard for couples to talk and discuss their feelings, when all we do whilst dating, is talk about our feelings to one another?
Off course things change from when you first meet to setting up home together, as this is when we learn more about each other and hopefully become a team. But I worry that sometimes these compromises that we make can turn into resentment over time and that’s when a couple can start to grow apart. When one partner takes the lead and sets conditions, the other partner loses their voice. They sacrifice their feelings for a ‘quiet life’ and soon the frustration takes over, leading the relationship to come to an end.
So I ask you before it is too late, whether you are dating or in a marriage, take a few minutes to think of 3 things about your partner that made you fall for them in the start. If they still have those qualities, great, tell your partner what those 3 things are (it will gain you brownie points) and use them to plan a ‘Date’ together. However, if some of those elements are missing, think about why they are and determine who is compromising or sacrificing in your relationship, and make a change to suit you both.
Please share the blog, as you could save someone’s relationship.
Date Masi … putting the fun back into dating (and marriage)